July 15, 2013

City life is staggering. Things move so fast here and I find myself struggling to keep up. 

I don’t want to lose myself but I feel like I’m starting to fracture. 

I wish I could understand myself a little better in order to help myself. 

July 12, 2013
a letter of apology.

Dear body, 

I’m sorry I lied to you about all the things you have to be. I’m sorry I made you feel less than perfect, than feminine, than beautiful. 

You are divine and radiant. 

I’m sorry I was afraid of what others thought to the point that I put you through so much pain. 

I cut you. I burned you. I starved you. I begged you to be different. I injected poison into you. I pleaded with you to forget what he did to you; yet, I punished you incessantly as if it was your fault. I called you ugly. I shamed you.

I just want to say, I’m sorry.

I was wrong. 

You harbor the gift of creation. You give me oxygen. You allow me to witness exquisite beauty and you help me appreciate the complexity of life. Because of you, I am able to hear music, understand languages, and interpret sounds. You allow me to sing, to laugh, to cry, to yell, to sigh, to dance. 

Thank you for always healing so expediently. Thank you for staying healthy. 

I am filled with gratitude. 

July 12, 2013
sans titre

Writing has become like bloodletting for me. Part of me feels like an exhibitionist reviving this tumblr but I’m going to do it anyway. I guess there’s some fun in that. 

It’s hard for me to write while anticipating an audience. I become crippled by expectation and I freeze up. My words cease to flow. My stream of consciousness runs dry. 

My demons have been sitting for awhile. They got comfortable, kicked their feet back, and have been lounging ever since. 

I’m here to shake them out. 

For now, I’ll abandon the notion of structure. I’ll burn those neat little boxes. My ideas don’t have to be crammed in there. They need to breathe. They need to be honest and simple — two things I haven’t been allowed to be my entire life. But really, at heart, I am both of those things completely. 

Here goes nothing. From here on out, this blog will remain 100% original content. A lot of it will be visceral, and personal, and unedited. I will make mistakes. I will not maintain an absurd level of pretension by only using polysyllabic words and obscure philosophical terms. They’ll only slip in from time to time. 

It doesn’t matter, this is for me.


April 7, 2013


5:32pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZRO5ewi9Hyy_
Filed under: crass punk punkrock music poseur 
April 7, 2013
rainy afternoon — hanging in the living room

rainy afternoon — hanging in the living room

April 7, 2013
playing risk godstorm, smoking ganja. 

playing risk godstorm, smoking ganja. 

January 10, 2013
Everything in its right place.

I am overwhelmed with a palpable sense of peace and comfort here. I know I will be faced with a new set of challenges, but I am prepared to confront them with grace and determination. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

January 8, 2013

I’m the creator of my world.

January 8, 2013

Be excited. The future awaits you. Treasure the past, embrace the present, and anticipate the future. All struggle is momentary. All shortcomings are imaginary. All limits are self-imposed.

I catch glimmers of myself underneath this layer of black dust that has settled on my disposition. I’m hoping a change of scenery will soothe my mind. I would like to regain control over my emotions. I want to feel disciplined and motivated. I want to remain consistent in all of my endeavors. I want to develop patience, kindness, foresight, and detachment. I want to live for myself while still supporting others. I want to be honest and loyal. I want to crave movement, embrace health, and laugh frequently. I want to remember my struggles without letting them consume me.

I think I’m on my way.

December 26, 2012

I refuse to accept the life I was given. Time to turn coal into diamonds.

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